


isn't it funny-

by ShippingEverything



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, POV Multiple, What do you MEAN gushy romantic Hanschen isn't canon?????, also mention of a lot of sex related things, and i mean isnt that always the way?, bc im writing about teens/young adults and they have SO MANY HORMONES., dumb boys in love, i find this funny but my sense of humor is horrible??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 01:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4768076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingEverything/pseuds/ShippingEverything
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>-how obvious and oblivious are so closely related?</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or: 9 times that Hanschen and Ernst are obviously, obliviously in love and 1 time they get their shit together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	isn't it funny-

**Author's Note:**

> the working title of this doc was 'dumb boys u g h' so
> 
> fun fact: i used a randomizer to decide what story goes where, so this series of related drabble-y things is ~~~~non-linear~~~~ and also not in the order that i wrote them? hopefully not confusing sry  
> exciting.
> 
> placed in a modern au where everyone is happy and they all go to the same college for some reason??? idk it 1:30 am and i have school tmrw
> 
> inspo. from [here](http://nastyinkhakis.tumblr.com/post/128432064810/hey-for-the-brotp-tag-you-should-do-ernsthanschen)

Georg doesn't really mean to say "Why don't you go bother your boyfriend," it just slips out.

Hanschen does stop harassing him about Miss Großebüstenhalter, going to sling an arm over Ernst's shoulder and say, "What do you say, darling? Boyfriends?" before leaning in with dramatically pursed lips. Martha's already told everyone the story about the first time it happened, so Georg expects laughter from Ernst and is suitably surprised when Ernst shrieks and punches Hanschen in the jaw.

"Um," Georg starts while Hanschen blinks numbly and flexes his jaw, "Um."

"You punched me," Hanschen says, sounding incredibly confused.

"Oh my God!" Ernst says, leaning in way more closely than necessary to inspect the damage. Georg begins to gather his stuff.

"You  _punched_  me," Hanschen repeats, incredulously.

"Oh my God, it was just a reflex, Hanschen, I'm so  _sorry_."

"What kind of reflex," Hanschen starts, only to cut himself off, "Actually, you know what, nevermind. I don't care, its fine."

"But your  _jaw_ ," Ernst insists. Georg can hear Hanschen deny being hurt and Ernst fretting more, but 'Hanschen and Ernst: Idiots in Love' is a show he's seen every single day since they started college and he has a piano lesson to get to.

They'll sort it out eventually, he's sure.

* * *

"Okay but they're disgustingly cute. And please know that it _physically_ pains me to say that about anything that involves Hanschen " Thea says as Ernst playfully elbows Hanschen in the side two tables over. Hanschen is, as always, systematically stealing Ernst's fries and exchanging them for his salad, and it's really gross and affectionate and if they don't figure out that they're in love with each other soon, Thea is going to lock them in a closet until they just _fuck already_.

Ilse, sensing the impending meltdown, places a calming hand on Thea's arm. "We can't force them to kiss. Like, we seriously can't. One time, I trapped them in a room right after Ernst's track practice, when he was all sweaty and flushed and hot, and they didn't do _anything_."

"And I actually told Ernst that Hanschen was into him once," Wendla adds sullenly, "He laughed for _five solid minutes_."

There’s a collective sigh.

"Why don't you get your own fries?" They can hear Ernst ask, shoving his fries into his mouth in an futile attempt to save them.

"Because you need more vegetables and you wouldn't eat them otherwise," Hanschen says like he's talking to a five year old, and then he pulls away the fry that Ernst's just bit into and eats it, licking the salt off his fingertips with a sound so obscene that it's like he's auditioning for a bad McDonald's-themed porno. Thea can almost _see_ the smoke pouring out of Ernst's ears.

"I can't take this," Thea says, nearly hysterical, "We have to find a new place to eat lunch."

"We have like two good burger places around here," Anna says reasonably, but Thea has seen too much of this bullshit to be reasonable.

"I _can not_ deal with them stumbling around each other while I'm trying to enjoy my burger," She protests.

Martha shrugs, "It's either them or Moritz and Melchior."

And, _well_. "... At least there's slightly less overtly obvious innuendo with these two. I can put up with this If it means I don't have to listen to Melchior 'subtly' talk about his sexual prowess or watch him suck off an ice cream sandwich."

Wendla lifts her cup. "I'll drink to that."

* * *

When Ilse walks into Melchior’s apartment and hears a thump, she doesn't do anything.

They’re all grossly co-dependent and Melchior has the biggest apartment and the biggest TV, so literally anyone could be in the living room right now; besides, she’s here to steal all of Melchior’s gogurt, not walk in on someone having sex.

It’s not until she’s in the kitchen and she hears the Mario Kart theme, Hanschen say “You are  _such_  a cheater”, and another thump, that she feels safe going into the TV room.

Hanschen has Ernst pinned, straddling his hips and his hands trapped above his head, and they’re grinning at each other like the lovestruck fools they are. If Ilse was meaner, or nicer, she’d announce her presence, but she just takes a picture with her phone. The shutter sound makes them look up.

“Did you just take a picture?” Ernst asks, blowing his hair out of his face.

Ilse nods and takes a slurp of her gogurt. “I’m selling it to a soft porn site.”

Ernst flushes and tries to squirm away, but Hanschen just shrugs. “I want 60%.”

“You’re getting 15, if that,” Ilse calls over her shoulder and over Ernst’s scandalized  _Hanschen!_  as she leaves. They’re idiots, but it honestly isn’t her problem. And besides, there’s still three months until the day that she bet on them finally getting together.

* * *

Otto knows that something's up the second Ernst sits down across from.him in the library, not because there's more nervous energy around him than usual, but because Ernst is talking to another boy and Hanschen isn't there.

"Where's your guard dog?" He asks, half joking and half because he wants to make sure the Bobby Maler Fiasco isn’t happening again.

"What? No, wait, I don't care. I have a question to ask you." Ernst casts a quick glance around and leans in and-

"Please don't ask me out," Otto says, because 1. Ernst isn't his type, and 2. Last time a guy went on a date with Ernst, Hanschen threatened to castrate him with a rusty spoon.

"I'm not asking you out," Ernst huffs.

"Why would Ernst ask  _you_ out?" Hanschen asks, sliding into the seat next to Ernst. Ernst, for his part, nearly faints.

"H-Hanschen? Don't you have play practice today?"

"Our director and tech manager are both 'sick' today," Hanschen says, with air quotes and everything, "So I was going to see if you wanted to go do something." 

Otto sees his way out. "Oh, I'll just go then-"

"No!" Ernst shouts, only to be immediately shushed by twelve different people. "Sorry, no, I have to ask you something." Otto, resigned to his fate, waves Ernst on. "So, I just wanted to know how you would go about getting a guy to notice you."

Otto sighs.  _That_  is why he had come without Hanschen. "Why are you asking me, I'm straight."

Ernst says "You are?" at the same time that Hanschen leers "Are you sure?" and sometimes Otto hates his friends.

"Oh, well, thanks anyway?" Ernst offers and tries to get up, only to have Hanschen grab his shirt and pull him back down.

"I have no idea why you would ask Otto when you have  _me_ ," Hanschen says and Otto dies a little inside because literally everyone except Hanschen knows why Ernst wouldn't go to him for relationship stuff and Otto feels bad for them.

Ernst shrugs awkwardly, "I didn't want to bother you?"

"You're _never_ a bother," Hanschen says sincerely and the ensuing mushy look that he and Ernst share is intense and makes Otto vaguely uncomfortable. After what was probably an eternity, Hanschen clears his throat and breaks eye contact. "Anyway, it's not that hard. You're cute, and you've got your eyes and that super hot 'innocent schoolboy' thing going for you, so you could probably get away with just going up and sticking your hands down the guy's pants."

"Hanschen,  _no_ ," Ernst's face is somehow both flushed from the compliments and ashen from horror. "I want to take yyyyyyyy-  _him_. I want to take him out on a  _date_."

"What? You can't take someone on a date."

Ernst's face shifts from dreamy wistfulness to light insult and  _oh no_. "Oh hey,” Otto tries, “You know, I might actually have some tips for-"

"What do you mean I can't 'take someone on a date'?” Ernst asks, deceptively calm, “Why on earth  _couldn't_ I?"

Hanschen's face screws up as he seems to realize the error of his words and  _Pull up, pull up, pull up, please_ , "It's not you, Ernst, its society. You're a nice guy, the type of boy someone would want to bring home to their parents, not just... bring home."

 _Oh my God, you_ idiot _,_  Otto thinks as Ernst's insult shifts into anger, "What, I'm not the type of guy who gets  _banned from a movie theater_  for  _public indecency_ , so someone wouldn't want to go out with me?"

"That was  _forever ago_  and not even the point, just- Most people are looking for a date that puts out easily." Hanschen runs a hand through his hair, but not even that is enough to distract Ernst.

"You would be  _surprised_ , Hanschen Rilow, at how easily I put out! And I'm sure  _Peter the barista_  will be too!"

"Peter the-" Hanschen starts, outraged, "Whatever! I hope you and  _Peter_  the  _barista_  have a  _lovely time_."

Ernst grabs his stuff and stands up, "We will!"

"Good!"

"Fine!"

They both storm off in opposite directions and Otto puts his head in his hands.  _Guys,_  He texts the group chat for talking about Hanschen and Ernst,  _I think I just witnessed the start of another Bobby Maler Fiasco._

In the flood of subsequent replies, Otto really,  _really_ hopes they figure it out soon.

* * *

It’s not that Moritz isn’t used to phone calls at weird times on Fridays, but when his phone goes off at 10 he’s generally disappointed. He had hoped he would be able to read until midnight, at least, and he really doesn’t want to have to dig into his savings to bail Melchi out. Again.

“Hello?” He says tiredly.

“Ha ha, yeah, hey Moritz!” Says a voice that, surprisingly enough, isn’t Officer Knochenbruch.

“Ernst?”

“No, don’t worry, you’re not interrupting anything, I was just hanging out with Hanschen,” Ernst says, a hint of tension underneath the lightness of his voice.

Moritz sighs, “Did you fake a call and then  _actually_  call me to give yourself an alibi?”

“Yep,” Ernst says, popping the ‘P’, “That stuff they gave us for class was so  _realistic_ , I mean I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight!”

Okay, so it’s been awhile since Ernst or Moritz has used their fake phone conversation code, but the ‘realistic’ obviously means that Hanschen is still close enough that Ernst has to make the conversation sound real, and the comment about sleeping…  _Oh my god_.

“Do you have a-” Moritz lowers his voice even though he’s alone, “A  _boner_?”

Ernst makes a soft, sort of embarrassed ‘mhm’ sound. Moritz places a hand over his eyes.

“Are you seriously calling me so you can have a reason to hide your erection? Oh my god,  _Ernst_ , that’s so  _sad_.”

Ernst makes an offended noise, “I cannot believe you would have that opinion after thinking about how it relates to almost  _every single_  reading we did in high school! I mean, it’s almost like we read something like this  _once or twice a week_.”

That’s fair. “So, how much longer, do you think?” Moritz asks because, well, he probably will be getting a call from the police station  _sometime_  tonight and he really would like to get back to his book.

“Hm,” Ernst clicks his tongue, “Well, I was really reminded of something my grandmother used to tell me, so.”

Moritz nods, “Good plan. Think about Sonnenstich taking a bath or something. Just make sure not to think about like,  _Hanschen_  taking a bath or anything, because thinking of Hanschen being wet and soapy and-”

“ _Moritz Stiefel you are_ not _helping!_ ”” Ernst squeaks, “Oh my god, you’re the  _worst_.”

“Oh!” Moritz’s eyes widen in surprise, “Oh no, Ernst, I wasn’t trying to-”

There’s the sound of a minor struggle and some low voices, and Moritz can hear Ernst say, “Hey, no, I’m  _fine,_   _Hanschen-_ ”

“Hello Moritz,” Hanschen says, since he apparently won the phone, “I have no idea what you could  _possibly_  be saying to Ernst, but he seems...  _aggravated_ , let’s say,and I’m taking the phone now.”

“Hanschen, would you tell him-”

“Anything you want to tell Ernst can wait,” Hanschen snaps, voice unexpectedly cold, “Goodbye, Moritz.”

“But-”

Moritz frowns at his phone screen for a moment, before it lights up again, this time with the familiar number of the police. He sighs.

“Yes, Officer Knochenbruch?”

* * *

The first time it happens, it's actually not a joke.

"Are you two dating?" Melchior's newest datemate asks, because apparently even they can see the tension and the looks that Hanschen and Ernst share.

There's a pause in which Martha honestly hopes that Hanschen and Ernst are actually secretly dating and this torturous UST was just one big practical joke, before Ernst starts laughing far too loudly to be casual.

"Ha! Me and Hanschen dating what a- What a crazy thought! That has totally never occurred to me! Ha! Hilarious rig- Eek!" Ernst nearly jumps out of his skin when he turns his head to see Hanschen  _right there_. Hanschen has a theatrical pout on his face, even if Martha can read the low-level longing in his eyes.

"Aw, Ernst, would dating me  _really_  be that bad?"

Ernst is firetruck red and manages to splutter out, "No, I- That's not to say- I don't-  _ohmygod_."

And then Hanschen is leaning in for a kiss and Ernst turns redder, if that's even possible, and doesn't move until Hanschen pulls back with a snort of laughter.

"Yeah, no, Ernst and I are just friends."

"Ha ha, yeah," Ernst laughs again, still bright red and still too loud and Martha has to put her face in her hands before she screams.

* * *

Melchior’s parents are ridiculously trusting. They also think that Melchior has no idea what sex is, so it makes sense that they agree to let eleven 18 year olds stay in their cabin in the woods over the last long weekend of their high school career.

“Just make sure you guys clean up after yourselves! It’s so cute that you all want to spend time together,” Fanny Gabor had cooed, “Do you need extra gas money? Here, take a hundred, just in case.”

Yeah, Melchior had pretty much won the parent lottery, especially among his friends. Speaking of-

“Dibs on top!” Georg and Otto both yell, running towards two of the four bunk beds in the room. From the thump on the wall, Melchior can only assume that something similar is happening in the next room over.

“Moritz and I are sharing. I’m taking the top bunk,” Melchior throws his bags on the bunk closest to the door, which leaves Hanschen and Ernst to either split up or decide who gets what bunk.

After a moment of consideration, Hanschen turns towards Ernst and says, “I’d like to be on top.”

“That’s no surprise,” Melchior mumbles, and Moritz squeaks and Otto flat out starts guffawing, but Ernst just manages a strangled, “ _What?_ ”

“I want to be on top,” Hanschen repeats, slowly, “I mean, if you’re alright with being on the bottom.”

Ernst blinks and says, “Me, on the bottom.”

Hanschen sighs as if the conversation pains him and, hey, Otto just hit his head because he was laughing too hard, so the conversation is hurting  _everyone_  here both emotionally and physically. “Yes, Ernst. If I’m on top, you’d have to be on the bottom. We can switch if you’d like?”

Otto has finally managed to stop laughing, but then Georg says, “I didn’t think Hanschen would be into switching” and he’s off again and Melchior has to wonder if  _he’s_  the one who lost out in this whole ‘three days with eleven hormone-drowned teens’ thing

“That’s fine!” Ernst manages, after several moments of silent jaw movements, “I’d love to bottom- I mean! Be the bottom. No,  _shoot_ , be  _on_ the bottom, be beneath you, I-” Ernst puts his flaming face into his hands, “I’ll take the bottom bunk. That’s what I mean.”

“Okay?” Hanschen says, raising one eyebrow and throwing his bag on the bed, “I’m going to go see how the girls are doing.”

Ernst nods bravely, but as soon as the door has closed he faceplants into the bed with an anguished groan. “‘I’d love to bottom!’ Oh my  _god_ , why do I ever speak?”

Moritz makes a concerned noise and rushes over to comfort Ernst while Otto wipes his laugh-tears off his face. Melchior surveys this all and takes out his journal.

 _What is the origin of humiliation?_  He writes,  _I honestly don’t know, but I feel like watching a breathtakingly embarrassing moment can really bring a group together._

He just hopes Ernst gets over this whole Hanschen thing before they start college.

* * *

"Before you hang up, it's Gabor's fault," Are the first words that Anna hears when she picks up the call from an unknown number, which could mean anything since pretty much everything was Melchior's fault.

"Before  _you_  hang up, this is Anna," Anna says instead of asking anything, because she was raised to always identify herself on the phone.

"What are you doing with Ernst's phone at 1 am?" The voice snarls and hey, it's Hanschen.

Her first instinct, the one ingrained after far too long hanging out with people like Thea and Melchior and Hanschen himself, is to say something suggestive or even tease Hanschen about memorizing Ernst's number, but Anna is The Responsible One for a reason. "Ernst is getting more popcorn; We've been watching Hostel. Are you in jail?"

"Holding," Hanschen says, but he sounds vaguely less upset, so.

"Is Melchior with you?"

"Unfortunately yes," Hanschen sighs, "But he is unconscious, so that’s a plus."

"Did you let him start  _another_  bar fight?"  Anna asks and Hanschen's huff is enough of an answer. Anna clicks her tongue. "And you want Ernst to pick you both up?"

"I want Ernst to pick  _me_  up. Gabor can call his own boyfriend."

If Anna was anyone else, she'd have mentioned the 'Boyfriend' thing, but she's too nice for that. "I'll pass the message on."

"See that you do," Hanschen says and hangs up, right as Ernst walks back in.

"I'm pretty sure your suitemates hate me? Also, this is your last bag of-  _Oh my God is that my_ phone _?_ "

"Yes? Hanschen in holding and wants you to pick him up." Ernst nods jerkily and laughs his oh-no-how-is-this-happening laugh, eyes jerking between Anna and the phone in her hand. Anna mentally rolls her eyes and clicks the home button to see- Oh wow, his lock screen is a selfie with Hanschen, where Hanschen is actually happy. Their cheeks are right against each other and it's embarrassingly cute.

Anna mentally sighs. Sometimes she wishes she  _was_  someone else, so she could comment on the wallpaper or tell Ernst about the boyfriend comment or  _something_ , but someone has to be logical and not tease Hanschen and Ernst about their 'unrequited' crushes, so she tosses the phone to Ernst without a word.

"Um," He starts.

"Moritz's wallpaper was a shirtless picture of Melchior for seven months; you don't have to explain yourself to me," Ernst nods but still looks unsure, so she continues, "You should go, Hanschen sounded really upset. Just give me a raincheck on the rest of this movie."

"Oh, right, well," Ernst makes three different aborted movements before Anna stands up, hugs him, and pushes him out the door. Then she texts the girls about what happened because there needs to be s _ome_  teasing tomorrow and she  _is_  The Responsible One.

* * *

The first time Haschen does the kiss thing, like the real first time, Wendla is there.

The yearbook committee is interviewing people that have been nominated for superlatives, and although getting Hanschen and Ernst nominated for ‘Cutest Couple’ was just another step in the never-ending prank war that Melchior and Hanschen had been fostering since Freshman year, the not-actual-couple had made some headway (Even if it was only because Melchior was bribing people to vote for them). Wendla can't typically imagine Hanschen going along with it, it  _is_ their Senior year and Ernst probably talked him into it.

"Wow, " She says excitedly, "You two know a lot about each other! Some of the actual couples can’t even top that.”

“Well," Hanschen starts, smirking wickedly, "Ernst and I  _are_ the cutest couple," and then he leans in to Ernst for a kiss.

Wendla's first thought is  _Wow, hot_ , followed immediately by  _Wendla, no!_  and  _Ernst could do better_ , before she realizes it's a joke. Ernst doesn't seem to have come to the same realization, since he's still violently red and his eyes are still bulging wide.

Hanschen opens one eyes and raises an eyebrow and says, “So, are you going to add to the joke or kiss me or what?”

Ernst makes a choked sort of noise, which honestly sounds really painful, and then screws his eyes shut and kisses Hanschen quick, barely even touching him for a second, and then shout-laughs, “Ha! Wow, that was weird! Totally not going to think about that for the rest of the day  _at all_! Well, I have a class to get back to, okaycoolgoodbye!”

“Um,” Wendla says, because Hanschen is staring blankly in the direction Ernst ran off to. Ernst's crush on Hanschen has been an on and off thing since they were like,  _twelve_  and Ernst realized he was gay, so his reaction isn't  _that_ weird, but Hanschen has kissed--at the very  _least_ \--nearly everyone in their friend group and he's never been like this.  _Huh_ , she thinks.

“Did that just happen?” Hanschen asks airily, gently touching his lips. He shakes himself after a moment and walks off towards his class, still looking not all there.

Wendla blinks. Then takes out her phone to text Ilse.  _Ernst and Hanschen, thoughts?_

The reply comes seconds later, a screenshot of a google search correction with the words, Did you mean: 'In denial and even more so'? on it, followed by  _expect 2+ yrs even w ust+crushes_

Wendla clicks her tongue.  _I don't know,_ She replies,  _w what I just saw, I wouldn't be surprised if they were together before melchis camping trip._

* * *

 

 

Hanschen has come to terms with his Ernst problem. At first, he’d been confused, but a couple of years of the _feelings_ brewing had cleared that up. Normally, especially with boys, he just flirted and fucked, something quick and harmless, but with Ernst…

He wanted to _hold hands_ with Ernst, and wasn’t that the dumbest thing? That he’d be talking to Ernst and he’d look down at his hands and instead of thinking _Wow, what hot hands_ , or something, He’d mentally sigh and think _God, I want to take his hand. I want to hold his hands and tell him nice things. I want him to like me_.

It was unnerving.

But Hanschen was mostly okay with it, now. Now, he’d just shove it down, not _ignoring_ , but postponing dealing with it. Now, he was able to quickly catch himself when he started to stare after Ernst like a lovestruck puppy. Now, he can even watch Ernst talk to boys that he might hypothetically be interested in without glaring too obviously.

Which is why Hanschen is here, sitting idly in Melchior’s TV room and watching Ernst tell Moritz that his new clothes don’t look bad, because if Ernst isn’t interested in Hanschen, then Hanschen can, at the very least, be a good wingman.

He can. Really.

He can do this.

“You look fine,” Ernst assures Moritz as Hanschen grits his teeth, “Ilse wouldn’t let you buy ugly clothes.”

“But the pants are so tight! They took me _twenty minutes_ to put them on. Are they supposed to be like that?” Moritz whined in his whiny Moritz voice and- okay, Hanschen _might_ be a bit bitter but he can _do this_.

“Yes, Moritz, they _are_ skinny jeans, after all,” Ernst rolls his eyes fondly, “They look great on you.”

Hanschen takes a breath and schools his scowl into a casual smirk, “They’d look better on Ernst’s floor, though.”

Ernst and Moritz both squawk “What?” and Hanschen rolls his eyes. He gives Ernst a _Flirt with him, you idiot_ look and Ernst responds with a bewildered _What are you talking about?????_ and Hanschen has to take a deep breath to steady himself because he is _trying_ to be supportive and Ernst is making this way harder than it has to be.

“One second, Moritz,” Hanschen says and drags Ernst to the side. “Oh my _god_.”

“What are you doing?” Hanschen rolls his eyes, “What are _you_ doing? I’m creating opportunities for you to flirt with Moritz and you _aren’t taking them_.”

“Wha- Why would I want to flirt with _Moritz_?” Ernst asks, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“Because you _like_ him.”

“What? I don’t like Moritz!” Ernst looks so offended by the prospect that Hanschen has to bite his lip to keep from laughing. “Why would you think that?”

Hanschen huffs. “You talk to him all the time.”

“I talk to _you_ all the time too, Hanschen,” Ernst says, sighing.

Hanschen, who is apparently a glutton for punishment, can’t resist saying, “So, are you saying you have a crush on _me_?”

Ernst flushes, “Hanschen, honestly-”

“I cannot take this anymore!” Thea interrupts. Hanschen and Ernst startle apart--and when had they gotten so close? Hanschen was trying to give Ernst space to date his crush, goddamn it.

“We just got here,” Anna chides, “Let them live.”

“No, I cannot take another day, I can’t do it.” She turns to the rest of their assembled friends (When did they all get there? How are all these things happening without Hanschen’s notice?), “Show of hands, who says we just get it over with, rip it off like an emotionally repressed bandaid?”

Everyone raises their hands and _What?_ He turns to Ernst, who just mouths ‘I have no idea’, and then asks, “So what did we just resolve to do?”

There’s a lot of glancing around and a quick but intense game of rock-paper-scissors before Wendla steps forward and says, “This is an intervention.”

Hanschen starts to say something, but Georg stops him and steers both him and Ernst to the sofa. “Let the girl talk. This is _actually_  important.”

“Thanks! Okay, so it has come to our attention that you two are _idiots_ ,” Wendla says, somehow still looking like the picture of innocence and kindness, and she glares at Hanschen when he opens his mouth to refute it. “Here’s the thing: you two are in- Well, no, let’s just go with the fact that you two definitely have crushes on each other.”

Hanschen can feel himself blush because he hadn’t thought he was being that obvious. He chances a glance at Ernst, who is flushed to the roots of his hair and muttering something like ‘ _oh my god_ ’ rapidly and repeatedly.

“Wendla, you’re being-”  
“Unless the next word is going to be ‘awesome’ or something similar, shush. Now, we think the best way to resolve this is for you two to just _kiss already_.”

“I’m not kissing Ernst without his consent,” Hanschen scowls. Honestly, they can make fun of him for his crush, but they don’t need to drag Ernst into it.

“I wouldn’t-” Ernst says and when Hanschen turns, Ernst is blinking at him with large, confused eyes, “I wouldn’t opposed to you kissing me? I thought you’d be the one who’d complain?”

“Why would I complain when- _Oh my god_.” Hanschen realizes, in that moment, that he _is_ an idiot. “You _do_ have a crush on me?”

Ernst laughs awkwardly, “Yes? I had actually thought that you knew.”

Hanschen lifts an arm to run through his hair and now that it’s been pointed out, he can see how Ernst traces the movement with his eyes and licks his lips and _Oh my god_. Hanschen huffs out a laugh. “We are _extremely_ dumb. I like you too, Ernst.”

Ernst, somehow, gets redder and says, “Oh my god,” then, “I’d really like to kiss you right now, if that’s okay?”

“ _Please_.”

They kiss and- well, it’s not exactly the most romantic thing because all their friends are whooping and whistling and he thinks he even hears someone say ‘Oh no, it _is_ hot’, and Ernst isn’t particularly _good_ at kissing ( _Yet_ , Hanschen thinks with a thrill, because there is no way that he’s not going to take every opportunity from now on to kiss Ernst) , but somehow it’s still perfect, or close enough.

“Wow,” Ernst whispers when they part, foreheads resting together.

And there’s no way that Hanschen is going to let all of his friends see the goofy grin he can feel coming on, so he just _has_ to kiss Ernst to hide it.

**Author's Note:**

> not pictured: everyone suffering because hanschen and ernst are either 1. tooth-rottingly cute and gushy or 2. not safe for any environment that isn't a bedroom, like _seriously guys,_ stop _, i'm going to start carrying a spray bottle i swear to god_
> 
> also the bobby maler fiasco was basically:  
> * hanschen pines over bobby maler. bobby and hanschen go out on a date to the movies and  
> * they get caught getting heavy and bobby throws hanschen under the bus. hanschen gets banned from the movie theater bc they were basically having sex in the seats, and _even if it was empty, that's still against policy, sorry_.  
>  * hanschen doesn't tell anyone and he never goes out w bobby again. all is good until  
> * 2-3 months later, a movie comes out and ernst wants to go to the midnight showing. hanschen cant go but wont tell ernst why. ernst gets upset and  
> * goes to the movies with David From English (who later stops talking to ernst because 'dude i didnt know you had a boyfriend! im so sorry, i wont bother you again' and ernst is incredibly confused) and hanschen gets huffy bc _why is this other guy going on a date with ernst, who does he think he is?_ and  
>  * hanschen and ernst dont talk to each other for _two and a half months_ and theyre both pissy drama queens, so neither wants to apologize until  
>  * anna grabs the two by their ears and makes them talk to each other, and  
> * thats how everyone found out about the _one time_ that hanschen couldnt blame melchior for getting in trouble
> 
> thanks so much for reading, comment or bookmark or kudo or w/e! also, im always up for writing prompts so! [holla at me on tumblr](http://bisexualwilliampoindexter.tumblr.com)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Bobby Maler Fiasco](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4975804) by [ShippingEverything](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingEverything/pseuds/ShippingEverything)




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